It's been a while since I wrote something, so it felt a little bit awkward to write something after a long break. I never left Hive. I was behind the scenes, doing curation and other things. It makes me wonder when I think about how I used to write every single day, I had so much motivation, energy, and stories to tell. I think my life has become so complicated now, that's why I barely get the time to think and write something nice and motivating. When reality kicks in, it's hard to avoid, and it's better to accept and embrace all the challenges. Before writing or posting about my adventure, I thought to start writing something super simple, and what can be easier and simpler than writing my life update? It's like putting a slice of my heart infront of you...
So, what has been happening and what have I been doing so far? The answer can be I did nothing, or I did a lot of things to settle down my life. I have changed a lot as a person, and I am discovering a better version of myself. After going through a long 2 years of psychological treatment, not only do I feel better and stable, but I also have enough space to think about my future. Of course, I am not expecting or asking too much from myself, but like I said, I am discovering a new me...Is it called healing or rehabilitation? I don't know yet. My days look packed now. I do a lot of small things, and I am proud of it. I realized that at some point, I have to accept reality, so why not start from now on? With the help of my therapists and after going through enormous therapy sessions, I can finally concentrate and think more. I struggle, but not like before; I don't freeze or snap out easily. Even if I feel frozen, it doesn't last long...I am sure you might be thinking what I am writing without a meaning...I am sure those who followed my mental health journey so far can relate and understand my words and development...
I didn't write because I didn't feel the urge to write. I was fully focused on my mental health treatment and finished one part of my treatment. I am sure the second part of my treatment will end soon, and I will be on my own again. I used to say often, I don't feel normal, I am not a normal person but then I realized what "normal" means to me. I had no answer. I used to feel bad sitting at home doing nothing except focusing on my treatment. But now I know that the effort I put into mental health treatment is showing results. I feel okay, I feel better, and that's what matters to me.
I haven't traveled or gone anywhere this year so far. Maybe during the holiday season, I will plan something. I finished my business course and have now finally joined a training program (unpaid) in a renowned company. I have been learning real estate strategies and procurement, and preparing myself for the Dutch job market.
Like I said, finally, I started thinking about my stability. A lot has happened since 2022, but all these years show my resilience...My struggle, my craziness, my healing journey, and finally a goal show that I have hope, and I can still think about stability in life. I recognized many things in this journey, I lost contact with many of my friends ( or atleast I used to consider them friends). I endured a lot of backlash and hate from my own people due to my mental illness, but now I can say nothing could stop me.
I know many people are still there who struggle but never ask for help. I even heard from some people that; there is nothing called psychological issues, it's all in the head, and I am making things up. There was a moment when I thought that I was losing myself between right and wrong. The fun fact is my own people never understood my struggle...I clearly remember that day, how everything all started, I cannot forget, but I don't let those moments overpower me. I started decluttering people from my life, relatives, and friends from childhood. Because I couldn't take the negativity...
Everyone is different, and everyone's struggle and healing journey is different. Some can heal by themselves, and some cannot. Like I said, it was the best wise decision I have taken, asking for help...Because of that help, I am becoming a better person every day...
Hopefully I will write again soon...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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Wes & Grindan