Greetings!
Whenever it comes to the subject of having fear in life, the one that knocks on the door of my heart so hard is the one I have always talked about—the fear of death. Not my own death, but the fear of losing a loved one. That thought scares me so much that anytime I come close to such happenings or even think about them, my heart leaves me and walks away. It is so terrifying.
As we all know, death is inevitable. No matter what we do, we are all going to leave this earth one day. However, I have never pondered on the day of my own death, and that is because I believe I cannot just die anyhow. I cannot die before my time. I have full confidence that I will live long on this earth, so most of the things people fear and the extreme precautions they take sometimes seem laughable to me. I am not saying I do not take precautions at all, but the way some people go about it is sometimes amusing. A typical example is one of my neighbors, who always reads meaning into the sight of a wall gecko in his house. According to him, it is a sign that death is coming. Lol.
Like I was saying, I have witnessed the deaths of uncles, aunties, friends, and other family members, and the experiences always came with shocks that shattered my heart. Because of this, each time a loved one falls sick and does not respond to medication, my heart gets troubled. A lot of negative thoughts begin to fly in and out of my mind. It becomes so overwhelming that I start begging God for forgiveness—not just for my own sins but also for those of my sick relative—pleading for His mercy to keep the person alive.
My dad knows this about me, so anytime one of my siblings falls sick at home, he makes sure to hide it from me until the situation has improved or returned to normal before informing me. Mehnnnn, my heart is so weak in that aspect. Sometimes, I even wish the pain my loved one is experiencing could be transferred to me. Let me bear the pain because I know I cannot die, and that way, I would not have to experience the fear of death.
Despite all this, the shocking thing is that I am not overly attached to people in the way some describe their deep attachment to family members. I am someone who calls once in a while—I am not the clingy child in the family. But even at that, the love I have for any of my family members is 100%. This is why it drives me nuts whenever I hear that anyone is seriously sick—because I know the pain will be unbearable if they die. The same goes for my friends. I may not seem very attached, but one thing I do not want to hear is the death of any of them. Noooo! My heart will not be able to bear that.
Thanks for reading.
This is my entry to Hiveghana prompt of the week