May the majority of my posts not mislead you. "Travels, photography, and a little bit of everything". I try to stick to these topics. Most people come here for good emotions. So do I. But...
Just because I am fine doesn't mean it's easy.
When reading my blog, remember sometimes that running it takes several times more effort and motivation. Why do I keep it up? Because if I don't, it means giving up. Equally, or even more important is that it means not letting someone else tell my story, the story of people like me, and my country. This is why I am still here.
So, if you stopped by for another nice story, you may just skip it, I'll understand.
Fatigue from war
Nobody wants to hear about war all the time. That's fair. Journalists say that people are tired of war. What does it mean? Who is tired, and where?
Volunteers who joined AF in 2022 like my husband are definitely tired. Those who have been participating in the assaults and fighting for more than 2 years are former actors, programmers and hairdressers. Exhausted but not surrendered. Their voice is very weak, barely audible. Besides, they cannot just quit, it's against the law.
Recently, our government finally passed the so-called mobilization law. But the point most awaited by those who fight and their families were excluded from the law at the last moment. It is the point about the term of service and demobilization. So now they are kind of physically unlimited to military service... So far, nobody know for how long.
Unlike those who used legal and illegal ways to avoid or delay going to war. Their fear is understandable. In the first days of the war, decisions were made not by reason, but by the instinct of survival, protection of oneself, one's family, and one's city. Some of them didn't really accept the war. If they don't join the Ukrainian army now they will be forced to join the occupier's army.
Meanwhile, military families are also tired. Their children are born and grow up without fathers. For me, the worst thing is uncertainty, and waiting. The hardest challenge. I go crazy when my hubby doesn't reply for more than a day. His poor mother calls me regularly. She has 2 sons, one in the Kharkiv region, and the other in Donetsk direction. And I can't imagine how the relatives of those who are in captivity are coping. Or became disabled due to injuries.
Who else is tired?
Ignorance is strength
But uncertainty is killing. How to learn live with uncertainty? My daughter is not having a baby because of the war. My friend's niece literally put life on hold. She does not see the future. This is how millions of Ukrainians who stayed or fled live.
I am tired of war as well. Tired of loneliness and thoughts that surround me from dark corners every night. I wish I could not read the news. I feel much better and sleep better when I'm not on news feeds all the time. Ignorance is strength. But then I see a video of burning houses in the Kharkiv downtown or villages nearby and read about mass russian shelling, and dozens of dead civilians, and I know that if the soldiers also died, I am not gonna know it from the news. And I feel so bad, so ashamed and angry with myself for my moments of peace and unawareness. What if something happens to him while I am enjoying fresh strawberries with ice cream or the scent of blooming trees in the morning air? What on earth is right or wrong here??
... On Saturday, they hit the house where my husband was going to stay for a while. It was canceled when he was on his way. Almost like the second birthday, huh? The second? Or the third?.. I know nothing about how is he doing, or what they do and where they are.
Kharkiv is constantly under fire. Construction supermarket was their (russians) target, not hit by accident. So as the printing house, 2 weeks before the annual book festival which will be held in Kyiv. So as a museum of Skovoroda a while before, and many others.
Hryhoriy Skovoroda, the first Ukrainian philosopher. He did not give up his Ukrainian identity in favor of Russian when he was alive. Recently, Russia tried to appropriate him too, but the propaganda did not succeed. So they destroyed his museum with a direct missile hit. Large, unique museum with thousand of exhibits. They destroy everything they cannot steal.
There is no proof that all Ukrainians are Nazis, but many people believe it.
A lie repeated many times ceases to be a lie.
Meanwhile, the evidence and facts of crimes against Ukrainians and other nations stretch in an endless line 300 years into the past. These are evidence of how Russia has destroyed the Ukrainian intelligentsia, culture, and heritage. All that it could not appropriate.
Even after 2022, they don't bother to come up with anything new. They copy us, cosplay. They change the names in our memes, write Russian lyrics to our old and most recent songs mirroring the theme. Imitate volunteer movements and flash mobs. What's the point? Why? Is such a great culture incapable of giving birth to anything without Ukraine?
Illusions and risks
I have to admit, the second thing I felt when I woke up to the sounds of war on February 22, 2022, was relief. (I could not understand its nature for a long time.) At that time, I thought that the whole world would finally see and believe that Russia is an aggressor, a terrorist who in fact wants to destroy Ukraine. Because it's obvious now, isn't it? No, it isn't. It is still not obvious for many.
We know the real nature of russians because... where to start?
👉 Russia successively destroyed several generations of our elites during centuries. The best and most talented people died at a young age, and only those survived who were able to adapt, or pretend to adapt. Their names disappeared from public space, their heritage was destroyed.
👉 The ordinary population, which did not want to submit to the repressive machine, was subjected to an artificial famine.
👉 Tens of thousands were exiled to Siberia, Far East, High North, Kazakhstan, including the Crimean Tatars.
👉 Ukrainian books were banned in 18th century and burned in 1918 and 1939. The first thing the occupiers do in Ukrainian villages is burn libraries and theaters, and bring Russian books and teachers.
👉 When the Bolsheviks first gained control over the western part of Ukraine in 1939, they shot all excellent students regardless of their nationality - Poles, Ukrainians, and Jews.
But we survived because we never had illusions.
"Russia has never attacked anyone." (c)
A whole generation that does not know war has grown up in the USA and Europe. And because of this, they misjudge the risks.
The risk of escalation of war in Europe vs the risk of managing Russian assets.
The risk of having a large aggressive empire vs the risk of its dismantling.
The risk of your electors sitting in the trenches vs the risk of they not voting for you.
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There is no moral of this story. Otherwise, it will be a sad ending.
Tomorrow is another day.
I will get you a great story next time. Hopefully. At least I want to. But sometimes I feel that my blog need some salt and pepper, just as a tasty dish.
I am infinitely grateful to everyone, who read it to the end.
Thanks for your time and understanding, and hopefully support 💙💛
Yours,
