The last time I made palak paneer, it was for my dying father. My breath catches when I remember this - I can see the bowl in front of him, the hand move the spoon from bowl to mouth, the steaming rice and green sauce. He is animated in my memory yet absent in the world. Oh, Dad, I want to sob, but instead determinedly wash straw and dirt from the bunch of beetroot I'd collected from the garden.

In that last month he found it hard to eat. Food was either too dry or tasteless. Mum was trying her best making healthy food but it some ways it was pointless. It didn't really matter - he was dying. But sometimes food is just a way to say you care. When I wondered about what he could eat, this coconut creamy green sauce with cubes of soft cheese seemed to fit the bill. And it did - he even asked for it the next day.

I'm still grappling with the reality that this year, there was a time I made food for my father, and there is now a time I make food and he is no more. I chop onions and garlic and ginger and turn over that last month, last week, last day in my mind. Would he have heard me if I entered his bedroom that last day whilst he was sleeping his morphine dying sleep and told him I loved him one last time? Could I have stayed longer the day before when he was awake and at the kitchen table? I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

Every year now, I will harvest beet leaves and spinach and think of making it for my Dad, and how proud I was that he enjoyed it so. It's a good memory. All memories of him are good, really.

I sit down with Ghost Dad and we eat and are nourished. It is good.

Palak Paneer with Beetroot Leaves

You can make this spinach curry with any kind of greens or a mixture - I love the beetroot leaves as they aren’t as bitter tasting as some of the chard or spinach greens. If you use a mixture of greens and the sauce is slightly bitter, add some honey or sugar to taste. I don’t tend to with the beet greens!

Beet greens are so awesome - they’re higher in iron than spinach!

It’s a forgiving recipe so don’t worry about being exact with the ingredients.

The leaves from about 6 - 8 beetroots - enough to overload a big colander.

1 large tomato
1 chopped onion
1 can of coconut cream (the original recipe calls for heavy cream but I prefer coconut cream)
4 - 5 cloves of garlic
A knob of fresh ginger or a tablespoon of ginger in a jar
2 heaped teaspoons of good garam masala
2 heaped teaspoons of turmeric
Salt to taste
Juice of a lime or lemon
1 large block of paneer

Steam the beetroot leaves until wilted - you may have to do it in batches. I usually have a few beetroot leaf stalks in there as well. Sometimes I even add a zucchini to bulk it out a bit, especially when it’s zucc season.

Saute the onion til translucent.

Add leaves, ginger, garlic, tomato and onion to a blender til it’s a smooth paste. Don’t worry if it’s not completely smooth.

Add to a saucepan and then add the coconut milk and simmer for ten minutes. Add turmeric and garam masala and an optional pinch of chilli. Add the lime or lemon juice. Taste and add salt and more garam masala if you like. If you’ve used silverbeet as well and it tastes slightly bitter, add some honey or sugar to taste.

Add cubed paneer - some people like to fry it first which is also nice - and heat through so the paneer is all soft. You can also make this vegan by using tofu instead.

Serve with rice and some kind of pickle - and/or some paratha from Aldi! I served mine with homemade fermented lime pickle.

With Love,

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