RE: Until Death Do We?

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aussieninja in Reflections • 4 months ago

Relationships are work... and if you're not willing to put in the work then the relationship can't last.

I think for me, I'll question myself to see if I'm doing enough work. Have I shown enough affection so that the other person is reassured that the relationship is important to me? Have I done enough housework so my partner has an easy time and I'm not adding to their stress? Have I replied to messages, organized things, etc?

I don't worry too much about what people have done for me. I don't even know why, I just don't think about it.

Sometimes I think 'love' is a bit of a cop out, especially if someone says something like "sure they're awful to me sometimes, but I love them" - I always think that the person saying that doesn't value themselves enough to end a harmful relationship.

I think you're absolutely right that the are different levels of effort for different times, sometimes life is a lot and we need to support or depend on our partners more than usual.

4 months ago in Reflections by aussieninja

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tarazkp 4 months ago

I think for me, I'll question myself to see if I'm doing enough work.

What is enough? Is it enough to make them happy, or is it enough to reach your standards? Is enough 80% of your love? What happens if the enough they need is 120% of what you have to give?

Does that make sense?

I always think that the person saying that doesn't value themselves enough to end a harmful relationship.

For sure. Loving fully doesn't mean putting up with anything. One has to know their own limits and express them to the partner too.

sometimes life is a lot and we need to support or depend on our partners more than usual.

If we aren't willing to do all we can for the most important person in our life, what are we doing with this life?

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aussieninja 4 months ago

Honestly, I think enough is trying to make sure their lives are better for having me in them. Am I doing enough, am I contributing in a way that makes their lives easier or better or more fun or nicer? My life is generally fairly under control so I have extra capacity to put effort into others...

... that said, I have had friendships where the other person needed way more from me than I was able to give, and they've either blown up or fizzled, which is fine, friendships evolve.

I have had girlfriends that wanted way more from me than I was willing to give, and I think part of the whole dating process is figuring out how independent or self-reliant you both want to be... it's part of the whole search for compatibility.

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