RE: Going-to-the-Sun

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agmoore in The Ink Well • last year (edited)

stop over-critiquing my work

Yes!!!

I knew he was going to delete those photos :)

Sleeping on the couch is a nice touch. He is not ready to move on, so he can't sleep in the bed. However, as he scrolls through the shots at the end, he is sleeping in the bed. Best symbolism imaginable.

Your tone is kind of meandering, the way most of us live our lives. We go from this thought to that and somehow connections are made that don't seem obvious. The mind and the heart work all the time...we just have to let the process go forward.

Plan B, indeed. Sometimes, we have to just let that happen. Great story, @samsmith1971

last year in The Ink Well by agmoore

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samsmith1971 last year (edited)

Thank you so much @agmoore . I loved writing this one, even though it stalled for a few months 😅 I am always keen to learn and grow, especially when I receive feedback from writers like you.

I knew he was going to delete those photos :)

hehe... he had too, right? I love that you knew that too...but then you are you and your heart is beautiful... that is what you would do too 🤗

Your tone is kind of meandering

Is this a good thing or a bad thing or just a thing? 😂 I like to weave my stories from multiple angles and flow with my thoughts. I enjoy stepping into the shoes of my characters and writing with a sense of real time so that it places the reader directly in the setting. I often write first person POV for that reason but chose 3rd person for this write. Does the writing come across as disjointed, or not tight enough or something else? Genuine questions hehe. Always eager to improve. What would your advice be? Much love 🥰 !LUV !HUG !ALIVE

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agmoore last year

We all hope that what we say, what we write, means something. Otherwise, why bother. So, there is a message to any writing worth doing. However, one hopes the author doesn't use bright red neon signs pointing to that message. How tedious, and not really art.

Art is conveying a message without telling us what it is, without preaching. That's what your meandering does. It leads us gently to where you want us to be, where you want the character to land. In life, that is never by a straight path. Your tone is perfect for this piece. The man learns from life, from experience. That takes time, and insight.

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samsmith1971 last year (edited)

🙏💗 edit: what you wrote here is beautiful. It choked me up a little. Thank you xx

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agmoore last year

🌺♥️

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hug.bot last year

Dear @agmoore, you just got hugged.
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @samsmith1971.
_(1/3)

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