Food is one of those things that we all have to take part in whether we want to or not. I was speaking to a friend at that 50 year birthday party who we called "Big Fat Jim" because he was big, he was fat, and his name was Jim who had gone on a water fast for 30 days in the past couple of years. This is a very strange diet that consists of consuming NOTHING other than water for a long period of time and is meant to be some sort of surefire way of losing weight.
Jim was awesomely fat and Jim was aware of this. I am surprised that he was able to pull it off and the only proof that I have that he actually did pull it off is his word that it happened. He showed me a few pictures about how much weight he had lost during that time and wow, just wow... He lost probably 100 pounds during that time and said the first 3 days were torture, but then he no longer missed food. However at some point he started eating food again and it appears as though he returned to the terrible habits that got him so big and fat in the first place because he is now just as big and fat as ever, perhaps even a bit fatter. That guy needs bypass surgery or something because I think he is just destined to be huge.
Anyway, before I stray too off topic let's start with something that is near and dear to me and everyone else: Eating.
I'm going to take into account a bit more than just which cuisine is better because that would be a very unfair fight. It is a Mike Tyson in his prime against a chess club 11th grader sort of battle. There is a reason why Thai restaurants are in every single country in the world while if you ever see a Vietnamese restaurant outside of Vietnam your first reaction is probably something along the lines of "I have no idea what Vietnamese food even is!" and then you don't go there to eat.
Thailand's cuisine is without question superior to Vietnamese food and I say that as someone that has lived at least 5 years in both countries. After half a decade of living in Vietnam I can't point to ANY particular dish that is quintessentially Vietnamese and say "oh yeah! Love that stuff and can't wait to have it again!" On the flip side, there are dozens of Thai dishes that are absolutely mouth-watering and famous around the world for their very unique taste.
I posted this previously but it is a prime example of exactly what I am talking about. This is Khao Man Guy and is simply boiled chicken on rice. Every country in the world has access to both of these things yet the Thai version is something that sticks with you as far as how awesome it is because the sauce is just out of this world outstanding. I don't know how it is made but I should really figure it out one day because that is the only thing that is in this dish that makes it special.
There isn't a single community in all of Thailand that this isn't available all over the place yet the places that sell it are always busy. Vietnam has nothing like this and it is unfortunate to me that this is the case. I would just love it if I woke up every day and knew that just down the street there is something that is absolutely lovely, cheap, and is ready in just a few minutes.
Here's another example of something that is available everywhere but is always amazing. This one is just a noodle soup that is called "Nam Tok" because it has some sort of blood that is built into the broth, normally from a pig. This is majestically good also and is available in every single community in Thailand. This one wasn't the best one I have ever had but it is one of those things that if they have it on the menu at all, you know it is going to be good. So good that you want to tilt the bowl when you are finished and get every single last drop of the broth out of the bowl when it is done.
I could go on and on for thousands of words about various dishes in Thai cuisine and how amazing they are, and this is the reason why Thai restaurants are something that probably exist in every single country in the world. I was speaking to an older guy at this same birthday party in Chiang Mai about his life (I had never met him before) and he and his wife live half of the year on an island near Seattle and they have a Thai restaurant over there. They say that the food on their menu is quite difficult to make in an authentic fashion but they do it as well as they can and are busy as crap year round. I asked if there was a Vietnamese restaurant in that area at all and they said they couldn't even think of one in Seattle. I'm sure there is one in Seattle but it kind of proves my point. Vietnamese food just doesn't really stick with you the way that Thai food does. It's very forgettable.
That's nearly 1000 words already so I am just going to leave it at that: Thai food is superior to not just Vietnamese food, but to most cuisines from any country anywhere. But there is one thing where Vietnam has the edge and it has nothing to do with ingredients that go into dishes and that is availability.
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While there are a lot of delivery companies in the world the biggest one in this neck of the woods in both Thailand and Vietnam is Grab. They do anything and everything related to delivery and their food delivery is bound to be a massive part of their overall business model.
In Vietnam, in all of the cities I have been to and stayed in, Grab is super-efficient to the point where you don't really understand how it is logistically possible for them to do it as fast as they do. In Vietnam this means that no matter what it is that you are trying to have delivered, it is going to be at your place alarmingly fast. I recall I think it was Jon Oliver who had a comedy bit where he said "that was so fast there is no way you had enough time to cook that properly" but when you are hungry and want delivery, speed is the most important factor in the process, is it not?
Well, in Thailand delivery takes an alarmingly long time. I ordered something only 1 time in this last trip to Chiang Mai and it took so long to get to my hotel that I started to get really frustrated staring at the map as the clock just kept ticking and nothing was happening. I chose a nearby restaurant specifically because I wanted it fast yet it still took about an hour and this was for something that they sell everywhere. In retrospect I should have just walked my ass down the street because it would have been much faster.
In Vietnam the food arrives so quickly that I sometimes feel a bit of nervous energy about being downstairs to greet the driver just a few minutes after I ordered it.
The Vietnamese are extremely good at efficiency as far as any food is concerned. It doesn't matter if it is foreign or local food, that stuff is finished extremely fast and the apps have this delivery stuff down to an absolutely perfect science. I order using Grab for almost all of my meals and not only is it alarmingly fast, but the drivers take great care to make sure they don't mess the food up in the delivery process. In Thailand not only did it take ages for it to arrive but they didn't even have a hot bag thing like in the picture above and my food was cold and had clearly been shaken all over the place on its way to my hotel.
I am one of those people that sometimes would much rather have something average ready to eat in minutes than have to wait an hour for something exquisite, so this is a definite "win" in the Vietnam category. It's not even close.
So on one side you have Thailand being absolutely better as far as quality is concerned and the fact that they have dozens of "staples" that are just going to be good no matter where you are in the country and on the flip side we have a country that has mastered the art of getting the food to you as fast as is humanly possible. That's your trade-off I suppose.
This also could be part of the reason why the roads in Vietnam are so damn loud and filled with horn beeping. Perhaps without that sense of extreme urgency that the drivers in Vietnam seem to have the delivery of food and other things wouldn't be possible without beeping at every single corner.
I do like my food arriving fast, but if getting it slower meant that beeping the horn was illegal, I would definitely agree to have it take longer for my food to arrive.
But I can't shake the feeling that here in Vietnam even though I can have basically anything you can think of at my door in 20 minutes or less, that I seriously look forward to dozens of Thai dishes whereas there are zero Vietnamese dishes that I care enough about to even remember the names of them. Often I have mediocre versions of Thai food delivered to my place when I am in Vietnam.
So staying indoors to avoid the noise of the outside world is very possible to do if you need to and for me anyway, it is something I need on a regular basis.
